halloween - rob zombie re-imagines john carpenter to less than stellar results. okay. i read all of the negative reviews and the attacks on rob zombie for this one but i decided to check it out anyway. i mean, i liked the devil's rejects okay and i saw house of 1000 corpses twice even though it wasn't stupendous. but this is just weak. sure there is some good stuff in there but it's not worth wading through the entire movie (and listening to extremely unrealistic, over-the-top dialogue in the process) to get to it. seriously, zombie took 45 minutes just to establish that michael myers was a fat annoying kid with no empathy and a wide violent streak. carpenter established the important part (violent) in just a few minutes in the intro of his far superior film. also, when did kid myers have time to hide his knife and mask under the floorboards of his room? i'm a grown-ass man and i can't figure out how i'm going to get under my own floorboards to investigate the electrical short that may burn my house down. 3/10
teeth - a pro-celibacy teen girl starts to waffle on her convictions when a hunky guy moves to her school only to find out that guys are assholes, but don't worry, she's more than equipped to deal with them. i guess i thought this would be funnier. it's not not funny. it's just not the horror comedy i thought it would be. and that may be why i wasn't really willing to buy all of the contrivances in the story. how likely is it that a girl who was a virgin 2 days ago is going to have opportunities to vagina-bite several would-be molesters, rapists and creeps? i think it would have been better to have either been a lot more tongue-in-cheek or a lot more straight horror. 5.5/10
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halloween - rob zombie re-imagines john carpenter to less than stellar results.
okay. i read all of the negative reviews and the attacks on rob zombie for this one but i decided to check it out anyway. i mean, i liked the devil's rejects okay and i saw house of 1000 corpses twice even though it wasn't stupendous. but this is just weak. sure there is some good stuff in there but it's not worth wading through the entire movie (and listening to extremely unrealistic, over-the-top dialogue in the process) to get to it. seriously, zombie took 45 minutes just to establish that michael myers was a fat annoying kid with no empathy and a wide violent streak. carpenter established the important part (violent) in just a few minutes in the intro of his far superior film. also, when did kid myers have time to hide his knife and mask under the floorboards of his room? i'm a grown-ass man and i can't figure out how i'm going to get under my own floorboards to investigate the electrical short that may burn my house down. 3/10
teeth - a pro-celibacy teen girl starts to waffle on her convictions when a hunky guy moves to her school only to find out that guys are assholes, but don't worry, she's more than equipped to deal with them.
i guess i thought this would be funnier. it's not not funny. it's just not the horror comedy i thought it would be. and that may be why i wasn't really willing to buy all of the contrivances in the story. how likely is it that a girl who was a virgin 2 days ago is going to have opportunities to vagina-bite several would-be molesters, rapists and creeps? i think it would have been better to have either been a lot more tongue-in-cheek or a lot more straight horror. 5.5/10
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